Homemade Goose Repellent

The noble goose: those harbingers of fall flying in v-formation, the delicious stuff of Dickensian Christmas dinners, down comforters and a wonderful delicacy called schmaltz (rendered goose fat that can be spread on bread). Gourmet delicacy aside, the common goose is also a foul tempered beast who can single handedly take over your once peaceful garden, spreading goose turds and bad attitude like kudzu. They will hiss and charge at you when defending "their" territory and have proven dangerous to small children and pets. Now imagine a whole flock of the little darlings. There is hope, however.

  1. When Considering the Goose

    • Geese love your lawn. For them, dining on grass that you have thoughtfully clipped short for them is heaven. They can have dinner and a show at the same time, watching for predators while they eat due to the short grass. Your pool, fountain and bird bath offer clean water for them to drink. Last, but certainly not least, have you ever heard the expression, "it went through me like grass through a goose?" One goose can nibble your grass down to the dirt and leave behind copious amounts of green slime where your prize-winning lawn used to be.

    Keeping it Legal

    • The Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 and the Migratory Bird Conservation Act of 1929 protect the Canada goose, which was thought extinct until the 1960s when a small population of them was discovered living in Minnesota. It is illegal to hunt, possess a whole or any other part of a goose (other than the obvious frozen goose you just picked up at the store). As much as you might want to help your resident flock on to their great reward, bear in mind that it's a felony in the United States. Resist the urge and read on.

    Ways to Cook Their Goose

    • There are several homemade repellents that you can apply to the goose situation that can act as deterrents rather than dealing direct damage. Geese are not fond of things that flutter and move randomly; they view it as a threat. Tying balloons to various bits of lawn art and furniture can make the geese so uncomfortable that they head for greener pastures. Tying plastic grocery bags to stakes so they can flutter in the wind can have the same outcome. Consider investing in a complete series of all the country flags in the world and putting them up around your yard. The geese will beat feet as the colorful Niue flag waves a fond farewell.

    Get a Dog

    • Get a real big dog. While smaller dogs have their place in the laps and hearts of middle America, this situation calls for bringing in the big guns. Give him a cool name such as Cannibal or Kujo and cut him loose to bark his head off and run those pesky geese right off your property. Be careful that Killer doesn't actually hurt the geese; that could prove a serious liability, and you want to avoid being fined by the fish and game folks.

    Last Resort

    • If the flapping, shouting and polite requests that they relocate fall on deaf goosie ears, products that contain methyl anthranilate come in water-soluble, nontoxic sprays or powders for lawn and garden that spoils the taste of the food for the geese, causing them to seek other dining options. It is fairly expensive and needs to be reapplied regularly, so weigh the cost against just how badly you want the geese to get gone. As a last ditch effort, perhaps you could persuade the military to turn the Active Denial System "pain ray" on the geese in your yard. They're already discussing using it on geese flocks that present a potential hazard at airports by flying into airplane engines. What's one more goose?