Things You'll Need
- Tub (preferably your own but any old tub will do)
- Shampoo
- Cat (preferably your own but any old cat will do)
- Steel armour
- Face shield
- Highly durable gloves
- First aid kit
- Warm Water
Instructions
Prepare your cleaning environment. Fill the tub with water. Get towels ready for drying. Suit up. Shut door.
Catch your cat.
After you've failed Step 2, get someone else to catch the cat for you or try again.
Once you have the cat, make note of where its claws and sharp teeth are. This knowledge could prevent injury later on (or not).
Get the cat into the tub. This step might be repeated ... repeatedly, but it's important that the cat be in the water before you start washing him.
Once in tub (normally hours after you start the washing process), put shampoo onto cat. Protect your eyes, face, body, hands and hair (this is where your knowledge of where the claws and sharp teeth come in, but don't worry, if you skipped that step-you'll soon know where they are).
Once the cat has been re-caught, tend to your wounds (there'll be many by this point). Use this time to decide whether or not to continue. The amount of blood you've just lost should be able to help you with that decision.
After you have come to your senses and realize that this is a futile task, stop-it only gets worse from here.
A couple of months later, repeat process (for some reason you will not remember how painful it was the first time and try again or you'll think you'll be able to do a better job the second time around-you won't. Trust me.)