While it can be difficult to overcome personal shortcomings, doing so can mean the difference between maintaining relationships and ruining them. If friends and colleagues are complaining about your aggressive behavior, ignoring or meeting their criticism with anger only prolongs the problem. Whether the desire to modify your aggressive behavior stems from a private discussion with a close friend or from your own guilty feelings, making progress can help you salvage strained relationships. It can also demonstrate your desire for self-improvement and help you achieve emotional wellness.
Instructions
Understand the nature of your anger without giving yourself excuses to clam up or to act out. Anger is a natural emotion that can arise from a variety of stimuli. Realize that changing your aggressive behavior doesn't mean that you should never feel or express anger. Bottling up anger without releasing it can result in increased stress and anger. Searching for reasons to be more upset when you're already angry can lead to you starting heated confrontations about small issues.
Survey the damage of your aggressive behavior. Explain your desire to change your negative behavior to well-adjusted friends. Ask these friends to recall situations in which you lost your temper. Remain quiet as they relay details of the events including their honest reactions. Take note of any defensive posturing including decreased eye contact, trembling and hesitancy. Hearing how your aggressive behavior affects others can boost your motivation to change.
Address issues without losing your cool. Exhaling deeply before expressing negative feelings allows you to stay in control over your body language. Writing a letter instead of opting for a face-to-face encounter gives you time to censor your thoughts. Learning how to communicate your anger appropriately can give you a sense of accomplishment.
Alter your surroundings. Although you can't avoid every situation that triggers your anger, you can decrease your association with known irritants. This may even include close friends who have a knack for starting or keeping trouble alive. Making a list of situations, places and people that give you stress can help you choose alternatives. For example, taking an alternate route to your desk can help you avoid an annoying coworker. Choosing another hangout instead of going back to the usual rowdy bar can keep you grounded.
Stay calm when confronted with aggressive behavior from others. Using relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or going to your "happy place" can reduce aggressive outbursts. Stay in control of your body language and tone of voice because others can use this to fuel their anger. Signs of aggression include finger pointing, yelling and blared eyes. Avoid letting other people bait you into arguments or make you feel weak for resisting their confrontational behavior.