Helping Someone Mourn a Dead Pet

There are very few people who have not had a friend, a co-worker or a relative remark that their pet is ̶0;a member of my family̶1; or ̶0;like a child to me.̶1; Those who have had their own companion animals know only too well that, for most people, pets are cherished. In fact, The American Pet Products Association lists statistics on its website as to how many Americans own pets and how much money they spend on them. In 2011, an estimated $50 billion was spent on pet products.

So it comes as no surprise that when someone loses her companion animal to death, the death brings with it heartache, depression and intense sadness. Helping a loved one mourn the loss of a companion animal is no different than helping her mourn the loss of any other loved one. It takes compassion and empathy on your part.

  1. Give of Your Time

    • If the pet's body or cremains have been returned, you may want to help your friend plan a memorial service.

      Give your loved one your time and attention. Your friend or family member needs to grieve in his own way. Each person does that in a way that is unique to his temperament and personality, so allow your friend to express his grief by your quiet presence. Though it may seem as though your friend is seeking answers, he really isn't. He doesn't expect an answer to his question "why did Fluffy have to die that way?" So you don't need to feel compelled to come up with one. Just listen. Your friend will vent and dump on you and maybe make you feel even worse, but being there is what friends are for, and the time may come when the roles are reversed. So listen to your friend, and give generously of your time and attention.

    Know the Process

    • Remind your friend that grief comes in stages, and that anger and guilt may be part of that process. Your friend may be feeling guilty because she feels she didn't do all she could have done to keep the pet alive. Perhaps there were financial constraints or other issues. When a pet dies, it is sometimes the result of a humane euthanasia. If this is the case, assure your friend that you know she had her pet's best interest at heart and that while you validate her feelings, guilt should not be entertained. Remind her that the pet may have been suffering and that euthanasia, while a difficult decision, is sometimes a better alternative to a miserable existence.

    Memorials

    • If your friend's pet was a mixed breed, make a donation in the pet's name to a local shelter or humane society. If the animal was a purebred dog or cat, or other species, find a breed-specific rescue group that helps that breed and make a donation in memory of the pet to the breed rescue organization. Not only will this show your friend that you take the loss as seriously as he does, but it will remind him that there are other pets waiting to be adopted. Never suggest the grieving individual go out and get another pet right away, as that invalidates his pain. You may, however, gently remind your friend that sometimes focusing on a project may help with the feelings of misery and sorrow. That project might be planning a memorial service for the deceased pet, finding other animals that could use the pet's old supplies such as leashes and bowls, or perusing the Internet for available dogs and cats so that when the time comes and your friend is ready, the groundwork will be laid. A new pet is great therapy for someone who is grieving, but your friend is not ready to hear that just yet.

    Rainbow Bridge

    • There are several websites and a list of books that help people cope with the loss of a pet. There are some sites that allow you to upload pictures of your pets and tell stories about them. You could also suggest creating a Facebook page for your friend's pet so friends can post messages of compassion and sympathy. As a gift for your friend, purchase one of several available books that discuss the possibility of pets having souls or going to heaven. There are several such books on the market. One such book is Judth Viorst's "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney," an especially good choice for a child.