Instructions
Helping Children Cope
Be honest and explain the pet's death in terms the child can understand. Use words such as "dead" or "died," and explain what that means literally---that the body stops working. Do not use phrases such as "passed away," "left us," "gone on," or "God took him." According to bereavement counselor Martha Tousley, "avoid the common phrase for euthanasia, 'put to sleep' as it can trigger sleep problems or intense anxiety over surgery and anesthesia." Euphemisms are too complicated for young children to understand.
Answer children's questions simply. Omit the gory details, but do give them the answers they need. According to Recover-from-grief.com, "This information processes the new aspect of life and death into their world." Young children sometimes cannot distinguish between their imaginary world and the real world, thus they may conjure up even scarier images.
Use children's books or tell a story. Tousley says, "One of the most effective ways to help children understand such complicated matters is to tell them a story, or read together one of the many wonderful children's books available on this topic." Visit the local library or bookstore for a book that explains, on the child's level, pet loss. (See the Resources section that follows for a few book suggestions.)
Allow the pet's name to be included in conversation. Making the pet's name off limits stifles the healing process. Encourage children to tell stories about the good times and the bad. Ask them their favorite memory of the pet.
Hold a family memorial service or burial. Society has established a funeral ritual for a person's death to give others closure, but a pet's death does not get the same attention. Young children are not yet capable of understanding the finality of death, so some type of resolution is needed. Recover-from-grief.com suggests: "Let them contribute ideas for the memorial service, and even take part in the ceremony if possible." Participating as a family can be a wonderful bonding experience, but if the child does not want to participate or even attend, do not force the issue.
Presenting children with a memorial gift such as a special blanket, stuffed animal or charm that reminds them of their special friend can provide comfort.
Encourage children's emotional release through art or writing. For children who are deeply saddened, suggest drawing a picture that expresses their feelings, or give them a journal to write down their feelings of sadness.
How to Cope With Pet Loss for Children
Coping with the loss of a pet is hard enough for adults, but it can be even more difficult for children. Adults who are consumed with grief may not know how to help children cope. Talking openly about the pet and the pet's death is the most effective way to bridge parent and child in the grieving process. According to Recover-from-grief.com, "As painful as it may be for you to watch, your child must learn how to cope with loss and tragedy." Shielding the child from death or sadness does not promote emotional health. Turn the pet's death and the grieving process into a valuable learning experience.