How to Save a Friend When Your Chimpanzee Attacks

Chimpanzee attacks are on the rise, don't be caught unaware, know what to do when it happens to someone you love.

Instructions

    • 1

      Don't provoke your monkey by forcing him to do stupid pet tricks or commercials for products he doesn't use. Give your monkey his dignity, showing respect means getting respect. Leave the Old Navy and Coke commercials to qualified humans.

    • 2

      If your monkey does attack a friend, say in a firm but loving voice, No monkey! No!

    • 3

      If the serious voice does not work, count to 3. Your monkey should let go of the friend by the time you get to 2.

    • 4

      If these techniques don't work, offer your monkey a healthy snack like a banana. Your monkey really would prefer the fruit to your friend.

    • 5

      Whatever you do, don't stab or shoot your monkey, this will only teach him that stabbing and shooting are the only ways to solve a conflict. When your monkey is calm talk about rules and punishments. This should be the end of your monkey problems. Good luck!